Hello 2015! No, Actually, Piss Off


In case you didn't know, it's 2015. Each year makes me think 'Ermehgerd we are totes in the future now', but of course it's another normal year that will pass very quickly. Though 2015 does seem a bit scarier than other years.

For instance, it has been circulating on the internet that once this year has passed, 2030 will be as close as the year 2000. That genuinely is quite scary for me, because I have vivid memories from 2000, and that didn't seem like it was that long ago. Fast forward an equal amount of time and I will be 33 years old. Probably still living with my parents, single, and with a crap office job. Can you sense my optimism?

2015 also marks the 'future', according to the legendary film Back to the Future. So have they made any correct predictions?

Let's start with the biggie - the hoverboard. Technically, they have correctly predicted it! A start-up company called Hendo have created a hoverboard in the past year that you can ride and float above the ground. However, the Hendo board uses extremely strong and sophisticated magnets to keep you afloat (therefore requiring you to have a metal floor from god-knows-where) - somewhat different to the film's go anywhere board. Back to the Future uses an anti-gravity board, and since gravity is something we don't even have a complete theory for yet, it's unlikely we will be seeing an anti-gravity device any time soon.

Self-tying shoes? Nope, but who in the name of holy Nora is lazy enough to require automation for their damn laces? Certainly, it's something I'm not eagerly waiting for.

Flat screen TVs! Ah, they have become the complete standard now, but rewind ten years ago and they were a fascinating luxury. Go back another twenty years after that when BTTF was just outing in cinemas, they were complete science fiction. Yet, there you are. Not only that, you can see a video call going on in this picture. Skype, anyone?

Flying cars. The technology is there for that to happen, but what's the point? Oh sure, the traffic and pollution will be removed from the cities, but it would just make airspace an incredibly hazardous place to be. You might lose concentration for a few seconds, and oh no, you've been sucked into a jumbo jet.

One last thing BTTF got right was 3D films. 3D has been around for some time now, but it was only in the last five years since the terrible blue and red glasses were ditched for some sophisticated shades that don't distort the colour and a 3D effect that, for the most part, works. I've only ever watched one film in proper modern 3D, but it was damn good. However, 3D is already dying down. You see, it's not much more than a novelty. Sure, to have something coming to you is cool, but there is nothing wrong with seeing a 2D film on a big screen with a decent sound system. It's all about 4K now.

So, yes, a bitter hello to 2015. Life seems to be whisking away, and I'm only 17. This is the year I become an adult (in October), so I hope for a few things:

  • I hope to get a half-decent job
  • A personal car for independence
  • To improve my social skills
  • To get drunk for the first time in ma lyfe
  • And other things
  • Meaningless bullet point for quantity
  • Look at me with my seven goals!
  • OK, I'll stop now
Happy new year to you all. I wish you all for a happy and healthy 12 months ahead.